An Autumn Dream

Merton's entry for today relates a dream that he has wandering into a city "with another monk?" Then being guided by a waitress to some destination that she knows how to find better than he does.  It is clear to Merton that he "does not know the way."  Then he includes an excerpt from Autumn Day by Rilke in which the poet prays that the summer be finished in the first two stanzas, then admonishes the reader:

"Whoever has no house now will not build one anymore.

Whoever is alone now will remain so for a long time,

will stay up, read, write long letters,

and wander the avenues, up and down,

restlessly, while the leaves are blowing."

My dreams have been of a different quality over the last month or so.  They don't seem to have the anxious quality of my childhood, but nonetheless retain something of urgency.  I would like to know the way.  I have had the uncomfortable feeling for the last month of not knowing at the most essential level.  I can't even seem to formulate the questions that might focus my attention towards what it is that I want to know.  I do feel a little like the person "who has no house."  Maybe I can find a kind waitress!